Say The Word And We'll Go
by SILENTMUSINGS
Summary: A series of short drabbles to provoke my muse, the iPod challenge. Contains slashy undertones, general slashiness. A bit of everything.


**This was meant to be a short little exercise to get rid of a terrible case of writer's block and lack of muse.**

**Then it turns into a 1700+ word **_**thing**_**. I kind of like how a lot of them turned out.**

**I can't remember who I saw do this, but the idea's credited to them.**

**iPod Drabbles:**

**Pick a fandom/pairing/whatever. Put on music player and turn it on shuffle. First ten songs. Duration of those songs to write a short drabble. You get the idea.**

**Trust me to get a song about cancer and a song about death.**

**

* * *

**

**Opinions Won't Keep You Warm At Night – Kisschasy – 3:00**

There he went again, being typical Adam.

Jay had barely done anything, heck he hadn't done anything at all.

Jericho had too much to drink, again, and Jay had been trying to prevent the disaster that would surely unfold in the form of a strip tease or a Village People number, but Adam had taken offense.

There he was, on the other side of the bar, talking to some under-dressed girls as though Jay cared.

As if he did. He didn't mind at all. Adam could do whatever he wanted. Adam had always done whatever he wanted. Jay didn't care, he was always the one that picked up the pieces afterwards. Maybe this time he would just simply leave Adam to his own devices.

With the smirk that Adam shot across the bar in his direction, Jay decided that perhaps it was time to go home. He turned for the door, taking the chance to look back over his shoulder. He saw Adam watching him, eyes hawk-like.

Now it was his own turn to smirk.

**Caves – Jack's Mannequin – 7:28**

"Adam, I'm sick," Weren't the words he'd expected to hear as he and Jay sat, watching hockey.

It came out of the blue; they hadn't even been speaking in the moments before Jay's announcement.

"You want me to go and get some tissues or something? I've got my keys on me."

"No, not-not that kind of sick."

Adam looked at him, head tilted, but Jay kept his eyes firmly on the screen.

"Jay..."

"The doctor says it's bad."

"Look at me, please. Jay what's going on?"

For the first time he did, indeed, look at Adam.

"It's real bad. They still need to run some tests, he says, but..."

_Please don't say it._

"It's more than likely cancer."

There it was. Adam gulped. His eyes bore into Jay's, though he seemed intent on avoiding eye contact.

"Why, why didn't you tell me you were going through... that?"

Jay was silent for so long that Adam was almost at the point of repeating himself.

"I didn't want to worry anyone when it could have been nothing, least of all you."

"I... I would have been there for you."

"I know."

It was Adam's turn for silence. He couldn't say that everything was going to be okay, he didn't know that.

"Well, is there anything you want me to do?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Anything."

With Adam's embrace tight around him, fingers clutching at him tightly Jay felt that maybe it would be alright, at least right there and then. In reality Adam was holding on for good, feeling that he was going to slip away right through his fingers.

**Up Against The Wall – Boys Like Girls – 3:39**

Adam was all about feelings. He'd had a feeling the night he'd torn his Achilles, just as he'd had a feeling the night Jay revealed he was leaving the company. His intuition was yet to be matched.

So when he'd had _that_ feeling when Jericho had invited both him and Jay out for drinks (what a surprise) he wasn't too enthusiastic about going.

Jay had talked him into it, of course. He's argued that whatever he'd _felt_ was going to happen with or without him there.

Boy, had he been wrong.

Had he not been there he wouldn't have found himself and Jay taking shots, or losing count of how many drinks they'd practically inhaled.

He wouldn't have found himself trailing off to go have a cigarette.

He wouldn't have realised Jay had followed him out.

He wouldn't have found himself up against the wall, Jay's lips all over his own, hands roaming.

He wouldn't have kissed back with just as much passion, as much need.

They wouldn't have made their way back to the hotel room together.

Adam wouldn't have woken up alone.

**Don't Download This Song – Weird Al – 3:54**

"Adam! What are you doing!"

"Jesus Christ, Jay! What are _you_ doing looking over my shoulder?"

"Limewire? Limewire!? Really, Adam! Illegal downloading is _wrong_."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"You're not serious, Jay. Why would I buy an album if it's only _one_ song I want to hear?"

"Because... because it's just wrong!" Jay said, in a complete huff. Adam couldn't help but laugh.

"Whatever, Jay."

"No, Adam! I can't let you continue with a clear conscious! You're cheating an artist out of something that is rightfully theirs! It's like when someone buys one of our t-shirts from eBay and we don't get any profit! How can you endorse that!"

"You're such a retard, Jay. We don't get paid per t-shirt."

"But what if we did! You're a horrible person!"

"Am I the one that 'rescued' a cat that is rightfully someone else's?"

"...That's an entirely different matter! What if you wanted a private jet, but everyone bought unauthorised online copies of your book so you didn't have enough money to get one?"

"Have you been watching South Park again?"

**Dance Dance – Fall Out Boy – 2:26**

I was meant to be miserable, that much was apparent. I watched Adam, with his girlfriend of the week. His hand on her waist, her lips on his ear. I'd never admit it, but I was green with envy.

For years we'd been best friends, the very best.

I'd always thought it would lead to something more. We'd exchanged looks, our hands would brush, those little things that point to _that_.

But it was as though he permanently ignored what I thought was blatantly obvious.

But he was happy. And seeing the smile on his face when he spoke of each new girl, each flavour, it was enough. Adam was always going to be the one to get the fairytale.

**Best Mistake – JamisonParker – 3:24**

They awoke at the same time. Tangled limbs, chests pressed together. Awkward was not the right word to describe the mood, but it was borderline.

Few words were exchanged. 'Hey' didn't quite cut it after the night they'd had.

Jay slinked off to take a shower, having excused himself. He left Adam to his own thoughts.

Was it worth it? He wasn't sure. All he'd thought about the night before was the butterflies that seemed to want to escape his stomach viciously whenever Jay's eyes caught his own.

Without even thinking he retraced Jay's steps. The door to the bathroom was left carelessly open, so he didn't feel as unwelcome walking in as he otherwise would have.

"Jay." He announced, fearlessly. "I don't want to be a mistake."

The other man did nothing but smile that lopsided grin that Adam loved so unconditionally; nothing but smile and gesture cheekily to the empty space in his abnormally large shower.

**Lies – McFly – 3:38**

"God, she's beautiful."

Truthfully, Adam had switched off when Jay had begun talking about the girl across the beach.

"Do you think I should go talk to her? I mean, I..."

"Jay, shut up." Adam walked away without another word. Perhaps Jay didn't feel the same way, but he just felt as though it was being rubbed in his face.

Well, he'd never been the sharpest crayon in the box. Jay was naive in so many ways, Adam couldn't even begin to explain.

Still, he hoped that he was just trying to make excuses. That way it meant that he did feel something for him. He always had a little piece of hope, unfounded or not.

He could just live in his own little fantasy, it was safe, it was comfortable. It was all he knew.

**Even If It Kills Me – Motion City Soundtrack – 3:51**

Adam hated seeing that look. That hurt, disappointed, look on Jay's face. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing that it was no one's fault but his own.

He'd crept back into their bedroom in the early hours of the morning, hoping beyond all hope that Jay was still asleep. It was a lost hope. As soon as he'd tucked himself into his own side of the bed he felt the other man get up and leave the room. It killed him to know that he was turning his own best friend, his own lover, against him.

It seemed like forever and he had not come back, so Adam got up, tired of waiting (though he would have waited forever, had he known Jay was coming back).

"Jay," He began, tiredly, softly.

No reply.

"I don't want to do this anymore. Even if it kills me, I'll do whatever it takes."

"Can you promise that, Adam?"

**View From Heaven – Yellowcard – 3:22**

They were inseparable at twelve years old. After twenty years Jay couldn't ever have imagined living without Adam.

But then he was gone, like that.

In his own mind, his own little corner of the world, Jay wasn't over the heartache.

Whenever Adam's theme played somewhere at work, whenever his favourite songs played on the radio, whenever he saw someone with one of the same mannerisms, the same idiosyncrasies. It killed him.

Especially around this time; around the anniversary.

Jay sat, sullen, at his grave. As usual there was an abundance of flowers surrounding it. None of them made up for the loss that Jay felt. Nothing did. Not the _looks_ he got, not nothing.

He didn't get to say goodbye to his best friend. He was gone. Nothing could change that.

**Getcha Good – Shania Twain – 4:04**

"I don't wanna fight it, Jay," Adam announced, caressing his face.

"What? What are you talking about."

Adam paused, moving back ever-so-slightly.

"How would you classify what we are."

"I don't know. We're having fun, right?" The look on Jay's face was one of nothing but confusion.

"I want more than that, though. We're so much more, Jay."

Adam's hand scraped back through his own hair, pushing it out of his face roughly. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

"I know, I have this feeling, I don't want anyone else but you."

The look on Jay's face had changed, it was unreadable, and Adam was the person in the world with the most experience at reading Jay's emotions.

"Adam, why..."

"Please, don't. All I want is you, Jay. I just, we're meant to be together, right?"

"I don't know, Adam. I'm-I'm scared."

"What, why?"

Jay looked at the ground.

"What if we mess this up? Adam you're more than my... than my lover, you're my best friend. I don't want to lose you. Ever."

Adam sighed, moving closer. Their faces were almost touching.

"You couldn't ever lose me. You wouldn't be able to get rid of me if you tried."


End file.
